Sunday, January 18, 2015

Never Been Kissed.

Okay, so, as the title suggests, I have never been kissed or even dated anyone to want to kiss you. So this whole thing is written from an outsiders point of view. With a scientific temper. Now, I interviewed a total of 9 people on this matter - including long time relationships, just broken up relationships, single people and long distance people. But it did not make any difference as none of these people were ready to discuss anything in detail [and that is why ladies and gentlemen, you will never be able to read about making out. I don't expect even one to own up]. Also, one of the people I asked had never kissed, so she was as good as me. I get it that I was crossing a line or something, intruding other people's space but I don't understand the need to be hush about it. But its okay, it can be awkward. Its about mouths, moving, on each other, saliva. I mean for me its okay (I realized today) that it is kind of a big deal because this is a whole new area I never paid attention to before. You know? Occurred to me as a kind of a boundary line. The age where children hit puberty and are flooded with questions? It was something like that for me yesterday.
It all started with a friend transferring her cold through a kiss. I was truly wonderfully amazed and a little bit ticklish. And then I wondered about people kissing with colds, then wandered over to people kissing at all and then, suddenly the doubt Aamir Khan had in 3 Idiots (whether the nose interrupts the kissing process) didn't seem so stupid. I mean there are so many questions!
People won't want to talk about kissing at all but all do remember the first time they kissed. Its like a baseline. And here are some of the questions and answers I got. Also, if I get branded a sex offender when I start to find things out by other methods, just remember it will all be the fault of these people who just wouldn't talk or share what they knew.

Special Note - The first kiss is really important. Like you have expectations or something (I don't exactly know), remember it well, it could be a thing of regret if not done with the right person. Hmm, maybe I would kind of agree.
Oh and also, people do sometimes try it when they are small and really don't know what kissing actually means.
And your first kiss is very highly likely not the person you are currently seeing. Like in a 3/8 chance you are still together.
Moving ahead.

When was your first kiss?
Hmm, well for some it was when in school to when they were in college. So, basically, it could be anytime. Like from when you are in school to somewhere between your second year of college. Nobody beyond that.
(And this surprised me a little because I always thought we were so tiny in school but I don't know why I think this is huge. But its is! I mean dancing mouths. But then, its louve. :D)

Where was the first kiss?
The answers I did get ranged from after tuition classes, to deserted roads when lost, to unexpected ones in the park, at home, on the terrace and in a club.
Just about anywhere. Ya.
(And I always thought it was difficult over here what with there being no places. Where there is a will, there is a way.)

How do you know when its time? Like in movies they have this 'the moment', that cliched one, where the boy and the girl just know. That isn't true for real life, is it?
Well, it turns out it is true for real life. It happens. You have those moments. And then its usually the guy who leans in.* And..you just know.
*Its almost always the guy. If you have a cold and you kiss, it was the guy.

But wait! What if the girl doesn't want to kiss?
Well, its simple. You just have to back away when he leans in and be like "What, dude?" with the -_- face!

Now, you do decide to kiss. How do you know how to kiss? Little bit of pressure here.
Its  a natural thing apparently. Nobody has to teach it to you. Its instinctive. Its like "animals and sex". Nobody has to teach them. (Let us leave my questions about it to some distant day..)

What are the rules? Soft, hard, crushing, tongue, no tongue?
Also, nobody answers this. And there are no fixed rules. Its a kiss. You could use your tongue, hands, legs anything you want. Nothing hard and fast.

How does it feel?
No answer. Unanswered.
Oh except for a general - Its the best feeling in the world. After hugs. :)


I could not research this stuff well. Lack of subjects. So many inhibitions. But it still helped to figure it out.
As people will realize, I am still a little apprehensive and still have some unanswered questions. It is kind of weird if you think about it. A miniature version of going inside someone (nothing dirty man - I mean its two different mouths of two different people, that way). And all that saliva. Its too close for comfort.
Also, how does it feel? Where do the hands go? (Oh, figured this part out). What if you are awkward about it? And, I just thought of this - What if you don't like the taste? Does it spoil everything? 
And it was must be so scary to kiss someone with a lot of experience when you yourself have none. There must also be so much over-thinking after a kiss. Right, wrong, good, bad. Phew.
I know it must be good. Because well. Its a beautiful expression really. So much trust and so much said (with your mouth, lol) without actually speaking. :)
Also, they look really awww in movies. :D

Strange, beautiful things I do not understand. :)
Meanwhile -
Someone and someone sitting on a tree  K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Teehee.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

My Happiness Journey - Days 1 to 10! :D

So, I took up the 100 days of happiness challenge. Since, I could not mail everything I felt happy about, I decided to continue over here. Pictures included wherever possible. Does include the stuff I did email them! :)

#100daysofhappiness #day1
Making my reading list. Its right here on this blog!
I sent random messages to random friends asking them to smile a lot that day. [It just read Good Morning! Smile a lot today because you are never fully dressed without a smile :D]
Sending my friends random tumblr images to make them smile.
Making people feel loved.
Singing to people I like.
Tr. Shina (my class five teacher) posted a Happy Birthday and God Bless You on my wall.
Since I had this random burst of happiness, I wrote down a nice quote (Sparks. on this blog) and a birthday message for a day far away :P
Also, feeling a little bit loved.


#100daysofhappiness #day2
When I knew I would pass.
Receiving compliments for my writing!
Singing and wasting my time in the balcony rather than studying.
Writing some horrible shit (really, it was a horrible story).
The bathroom lady came!! As if it were just for me that she came! The joy!
Sighing over books online - they were available at a discount you see.
People telling me that my attitude towards life is chilled which is good in many ways. Well, a compliment!
The farting voice competition and the Sing Like Himesh Reshammiya competition. Haha.


#100daysofhappiness #day3
Aanchal gifting me handmade chocolates - a birthday gift thing :)
She also gave me three pizza slices. Yay for free food!
Watching a really good movie - Gone Girl!
Eating ice-cream sandwich


Aanchal's chocolates :)

Pizza

Gone Girl

Ice Cream Sandwich


#100daysofhappiness #day4
A really, reaaallly full stomach and dal after so many days.
Rediscovering the cassettes we had when we were children and the songs we sang then.
Afterglow by Inxs on TV.

Yummy dal

Karadi Tales or something

Fun Songs :D

Afterglow :')


#100daysofhappiness #day5
The ice cream sandwich I won over a Harry Potter bet. I mean everyone knows that the snake he freed was not Nagini.
A sumptuous meal. Again.
YouTubing the songs I so loved. Also some third grade Bollywood songs. But hey, its fun!

Bet Ice Cream!

Meal

Jamaican Farewell :)


#100daysofhappiness #day6
I was going to walk home alone, not in the best of spirits. Also, had just been looted for a pair of chappals. Met my friend unexpectedly. Met her mumma too who wasn't well but still complimented that she felt good to see me. "Sometimes, you see people when you need them to."
Also, as you might have gathered, new slippers!

Us :)


#100daysofhappiness #day7
Sometimes happiness is making sense of things. Reading Anne Frank's diary helped me realize certain things. Some things we agreed beautifully on. Some things she helped me realize were not wrong with me.
Also, on a totally differently note, I didn't feel the need to prove myself in the right.
Sometimes happiness is letting it be.
:)
[Exactly as I mailed it]
Also, 2 pairs of new jeans!

The Diary of a Young Girl


#100daysofhappiness #day8
Although it is the same picture as yesterday, the reason is different. Happiness is being alive and having the freedom. It is living in this beautiful place and not being tortured. Its about being wise and improving yourself. Its about being lucky and realizing it!
This is the first book completed off my book list.
[Exactly as I mailed it]
Also, sometimes, up in the terrace, if you listen really carefully, if you close your eyes and wait for it, you can hear the silence. Inspite of the crowded city and the main road.

The Same Book


#100daysofhappiness #day9
No picture for today. But happiness is new people coming in and filling a void. Making you feel less suffocated. I cannot express it in any other way. Sometimes, if only you can let yourself go, things happen! :)
Also, a second reason for happiness is my Math tuition. My tutor never ever ever gets angry. Such an infinite reserve of patience. I doubt I could behave as freely and learn as much from someone else! :)
[Exactly as I mailed it]
Like ya, those guys spammed me like crazy and even messaged me a lot to make me okay.
Also, escaped to the terrace a lot. I like it a lot there.

#100daysofhappiness #day10
Feeling less suffocated continues. Thanks to an old friend, this time. She sent me some quotes. I have attached the picture. The "are not" parts are not true for me. But the "you are" parts are so honest. :)
Coming to the realization that I know what is wrong. That's good.
Certain compliments (on my picture this time)

Yes, you are.

This is good too :)
Something I firmly believe in :D

And and and and, I almost forgot. My friend told me my smile was like Deepika Padukone's (who is kind of my favourite actress) and lighted up my picture.
Also solved three crosswords (with help of course) and three jumbles. Jumbles are just the best.


That's it now. :D


Monday, January 12, 2015

Striking List :D

So, finishing Anne Frank means one thing struck off my reading list. And for that purpose, I will actually strike things out of this list -

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Anne Frank : The Diary of a Young Girl
Gone With The Wind
Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children
The Book Thief
Never Let Me Go
The Bell Jar
Alice in Wonderland
Angus Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Jane Eyre
in our time (yes in lowercase)
Different Seasons
Anna Karenina
Charlotte's Web
The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Aged 13 3/4
Winnie the Pooh
Pride and Prejudice
True Grit
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

The Catcher in the Rye
The Great Gatsby
This Side of Paradise
A Separate Peace
Peter Pan
Naked Lunch
Walden
Hamlet
The Stranger
The Fountainhead

Life as We Know It
Rebecca

11th January, 2015 - Anne Frank : The Diary of a Young Girl

The Diary of a Young Girl 2

Now this post is dedicated to what I learnt from the book!

Geography
First I learnt where Holland was exactly and I hope I don't forget it in the future. That their language is called Dutch and the people are also Dutch and that sometimes Holland is used in general for The Netherlands but North Holland and South Holland are actually two provinces of The Netherlands. Didn't know that!
And since I am very poor in Geography, I decided to look up certain places and came to know some new stuff and also brushed up on the old.
Amsterdam is the capital of 'The Kingdom of Netherlands' but the government sits in The Hague.
Also, I didn't know where exactly Belgium, Denmark and Norway were but I now attach a picture or two so I don't forget.

Netherlands and its neighbours!



Holland in Netherlands


Also wanted to find out the maximum area which was under Axis control when they were at their peak:

Basically all the black and grey areas!

Communism and Socialism
Secondly, I looked up the difference between communism and socialism because before now, I could think of the same ideology for both. This is what I found out, in short.
Turns out they both are similar. Communism is actually an extreme form of socialism. Any capitalist society would first become a socialist one and then a communist one if changes were to take place.
Socialism is when the productive machinery is commonly owned and the production decisions can be made by the government or the markets. The surplus is distributed on the basis of a worker's contribution - 'according to his deeds'. Profits are to be divided amongst the peoples in addition to their wages. It seeks to maximize surplus so that each can have more private property than before. It is an economic system whose main proponents include Karl Marx, Albert Einstein, George Bernard Shaw, Friedrich Engels etc.
Communism on the other hand means that the the productive machinery is jointly owned, by the government but there is free market at all. Thus, all decisions are taken by the planning process. Workers are compensated according to their 'needs'. Collective output to be redistributed equally. This means that this ideology depends on the production of surplus. No private property.It is a political system which propagates one party system. Proponents include Karl Marx, Friedrich Lenin,  Vladimir Lenin etc.
Further reading:
http://www.diffen.com/difference/Communism_vs_Socialism
http://www.marxmail.org/faq/socialism_and_communism.htm


Literary Stuff
Also googled Otto Frank. This is when I discovered how everyone's name was a pseudonym.

Special mention of these entries because of their insight into human nature. Oh well, I like to believe it.
20th March, 1944 and sometime later - When she and her sister exchange letters, it just shows how sometimes written communication is easier and much more truthful. Also, she mentions somewhere this time around that for a relation to go stronger, to achieve any level of intimacy, confidence has to be extended by both the parties. Umm, maybe like a give and take of thoughts and secrets! She also says if she trusts people, she wouldn't want them hanging around her all the time. I wonder if it means what I think it means.. But then it can't be true!
11th May 1944 - How busy people should really be with so many resources at their disposal. Like seriously. She was up to so much with what she had. I feel bad about wasting my time. 
14th June 1944 - People who are more closed up need people to talk to. Her exact words were - "..I know from experience (even though I'm constantly being accused of  knowing all there is to know in theory, but not in practice) that in time, even the most uncommunicative types will long as much, or even more, for someone to confide in." Also, it contributes to my one person theory.


Vocabulary
flatulence - fancy term for fart
variegated - colourful, spotted or streaked with colour.
supercilious - arrogantly superior, haughty
virulent - hostile to the point of being venomous, also infectious
reprisals - retaliation (kind of knew this!)
lyceum - school between elementary school and college, also hall designed for lectures or concerts
excision - deletion of some text during editing
emigration and immigration - Emigration is leaving one's native country to settle in another country. Immigration is to come into another country to live permanently. Thus, emigrations is the same as immigration but from the perspective of the country of origin.

Oh I left out all the life lessons because well, no preaching there. Plus, its so subjective.
So, that's it for today! :)

The Diary of a Young Girl 1

I completed the first book off my reading list - Anne Frank : The Diary of a Young Girl.
And the depth. And those thoughts.
To have lived through it all.

This semi-review is going to be really haphazard.

Honestly, the first part of the diary felt okay.
But then the later entries.. It helped me to make sense of what I was doing or what I felt.
In some ways I agreed. How beautifully she writes about happiness and nature! Something I believe in.

And the afterword, it truly, truly upset me. To see everybody you love die. Such hardships. Right now, I too don't get the food I like. But I have the mobility, the freedom to step out.
To be cooped up like that, to not have a choice, to see those normal everyday things so out of your reach - it must be terrible. Yet at every step she remembered to be grateful, she remembered not to self-pity and she wasn't even fifteen.

She had such strength of mind and spirit. To dream even under such despairing circumstances that one could become great, could do something, leave something behind before they died.
How wisely she talks about changing oneself if something about yourself bothers you, that being true to yourself was of utmost importance. Her self-awareness, her two sides.. how it is still possible to seek company and love inspite of being surrounded by people all the time.

I feel really sad that she had to go through this. I am really sad that she and her other family members couldn't survive.
And if I even begin to think of the rest of the Jews that suffered, I shall go perfectly mad.
I will try and copy down or paste some of my favourite parts.

The book I copied from varies a little bit from the physical copy I read it from. But still!


Wednesday, 23 February, 1944
...He finished quickly and came over to where I was sitting on my favorite spot on the floor. The two of us looked out at the blue sky, the bare chestnut tree glistening with dew, the seagulls and other birds glinting with silver as they swooped through the air, and we were so moved and entranced that we couldn't speak. He stood with his head against a thick beam, while I sat. We breathed in the
air, looked outside and both felt that the spell shouldn't be broken with words. We
remained like this for a long while,..
..I also looked out the open window, letting my eyes roam over a large part of Amsterdam, over the rooftops and on to the horizon, a strip of blue so pale it was almost invisible. "As long as this exists," I thought, "this sunshine and this cloudless sky, and as long as I can enjoy it, how can I be sad?" The best remedy for those who are frightened, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere they can be alone, alone with the sky, nature and God. For then and only then can you feel that everything is as it should be and that God wants people to be happy amid nature's beauty and simplicity. As long as this exists, and that should be forever, I know that there will be solace for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances. I firmly believe that nature can bring comfort to all who suffer. Oh, who knows, perhaps it won't be long before I can share this overwhelming feeling of happiness with someone who feels the same as I do.
Thoughts: To Peter.
We've been missing out on so much here, so very much, and for such a long time. I miss it just as much as you do. I'm not talking about external things, since we're well provided for in that sense; I mean the internal things. Like you, I long for freedom and fresh air, but I think we've been amply compensated for their loss. On the inside, I mean.
This morning, when I was sitting in front of the window and taking a long, deep look outside at God and nature, I was happy, just plain happy. Peter, as long as people feel that kind of happiness within themselves, the joy of nature, health and much more besides, they'll always be able to recapture that happiness.
Riches, prestige, everything can be lost. But the happiness in your own heart can only be dimmed; it will always be there, as long as you live, to make you happy again. Whenever you're feeling lonely or sad, try going to the loft on a beautiful day and looking outside. Not at the houses and the rooftops, but at the sky. As long as you can look fearlessly at the sky, you'll know that you're pure within and will find happiness once more.

Why - I agree with her. That there is so much beauty everywhere and that in itself is a cause for happiness. Its something which is within.


Tuesday, 7 March, 1944
When I think back to my life in 1942, it all seems so unreal. The Anne Frank who enjoyed that heavenly existence was completely different from the one who has grown wise within these walls. Yes, it was heavenly. Five admirers on every street corner, twenty or so friends, the favorite of most of my teachers, spoiled rotten by Father and Mother, bags full of candy and a big allowance. What more could anyone ask for?
You're probably wondering how I could have charmed all those people. Peter says its because I'm "attractive," but that isn't it entirely. The teachers were amused and entertained by my clever answers, my witty remarks, my smiling face and my critical mind. That's all I was: a terrible flirt, coquettish and amusing. I had a few plus points, which kept me in everybody's good graces: I was hardworking, honest and generous. I would never have refused anyone who wanted to peek at my answers, I was
magnanimous with my candy, and I wasn't stuck-up.
Would all that admiration eventually have made me overconfident? It's a good thing that, at the height of my glory, I was suddenly plunged into reality. It took me more than a year to get used to doing without admiration.
How did they see me at school? As the class comedian, the eternal ringleader, never in a bad mood, never a crybaby. Was it any wonder that everyone wanted to bicycle to school with me or do me little favors?

I look back at that Anne Frank as a pleasant, amusing, but superficial girl, who has nothing to do with me. What did Peter say about me? "Whenever I saw you, you were surrounded by a flock of girls and at least two boys, you were always laughing, and you were always the center of attention!" He was right.
What's remained of that Anne Frank? Oh, I haven't forgotten how to laugh or toss off a remark, I'm just as good, if not better, at raking people over the coals, and I can still flirt and be amusing, if I want to be . . .
But there's the catch. I'd like to live that seemingly carefree and happy life for an evening, a few days, a week. At the end of that week I'd be exhausted, and would be grateful to the first person to talk to me about something meaningful. I want friends, not admirers. People who respect me for my character and my deeds, not my flattering smile. The circle around me would be much smaller, but what does that matter, as long as they're sincere?
In spite of everything, I wasn't altogether happy in 1942; I often felt I'd been deserted, but because I was on the go all day long, I didn't think about it. I enjoyed myself as much as I could, trying consciously or unconsciously to fill the void with jokes.
Looking back, I realize that this period of my life has irrevocably come to a close; my happy-go-lucky, carefree schooldays are gone forever. I don't even miss them. I've outgrown them. I can no longer just kid around, since my serious side is always there. I see my life up to New Year's 1944 as if I were looking through a powerful magnifying glass. When I was at home, my life was filled with sunshine. Then, in the middle of 1942, everything changed overnight. The quarrels, the accusations -- I couldn't take it all in. I was caught off guard, and the only way I knew to keep my bearings was to talk back.
The first half of 1943 brought crying spells, loneliness and the gradual realization of my faults and shortcomings, which were numerous and seemed even more so. I filled the day with chatter, tried to draw Pim closer to me and failed. This left me on my own to face the difficult task of improving myself so I wouldn't have to hear their reproaches, because they made me so despondent.
The second half of the year was slightly better. I became a teenager, and was treated more like a grown-up. I began to think about things and to write stories, finally coming to the conclusion that the others no longer had anything to do with me. They had no right to swing me back and forth like a pendulum on a clock. I wanted to change myself in my own way. I realized I could manage without my mother, completely and totally, and that hurt. But what affected me even more was the realization that I was never going to be able to confide in Father. I didn't trust anyone but myself.
After New Year's the second big change occurred: my dream, through which I discovered my longing for . . . a boy; not for a girlfriend, but for a boyfriend. I also discovered an inner happiness underneath my superficial and cheerful exterior. From time to time I was quiet. Now I live only for Peter, since what happens to me in the future depends largely on him!
I lie in bed at night, after ending my prayers with the words "Ich Janke air fur all das Cute una Liebe una Schone,"* [* Thank you, God, for all that is good and dear and beautiful.] and I'm filled with joy. I think of going into hiding, my health and my whole being as das Cute; Peter's love (which is still so new and fragile and which neither of us dares to say aloud), the future, happiness and love as das Liebe; the world, nature and the tremendous beauty of everything, all that splendor, as das Schone.
At such moments I don't think about all the misery, but about the beauty that still remains. This is where Mother and I differ greatly. Her advice in the face of melancholy is: "Think about all the suffering in the world and be thankful you're not part of it." My advice is: "Go outside, to the country, enjoy the sun and all nature has to offer. Go outside and try to recapture the happiness within yourself; think of all the beauty in yourself and in everything around you and be happy."
I don't think Mother's advice can be right, because what are you supposed to do if you become part of the suffering? You'd be completely lost. On the contrary, beauty remains, even in misfortune. If you just look for it, you discover more and more happiness and regain your balance. A person who's happy will make others happy; a person who has courage and faith will never die in misery!

Why - The change in her! And how she still finds ways to cope..


Wednesday, 3 May, 1944
...As you can no doubt imagine, we often say in despair, "What's the point of the war? Why, oh, why can't people live together peacefully? Why all this destruction?"
The question is understandable, but up to now no one has come up with a satisfactory answer. Why is England manufacturing bigger and better airplanes and bombs and at the same time churning out new houses for reconstruction? Why are millions spent on the war each day, while not a penny is available for medical science, artists or the poor? Why do people have to starve when mountains of food are rotting away in other parts of the world? Oh, why are people so crazy?
I don't believe the war is simply the work of politicians and capitalists. Oh no, the common man is every bit as guilty; otherwise, people and nations would have rebelled long ago! There's a destructive urge in people, the urge to rage, murder and kill. And until all of humanity, without exception, undergoes a metamorphosis, wars will continue to be waged, and everything that has been carefully built up, cultivated and grown will be cut down and destroyed, only to start allover again!
I've often been down in the dumps, but never desperate. I look upon our life in hiding as an interesting adventure, full of danger and romance, and every privation as an amusing addition to my diary. I've made up my mind to lead a different life from other girls, and not to become an ordinary housewife later on. What I'm experiencing here is a good beginning to an interesting life, and that's the reason -- the only reason -- why I have to laugh at the humorous side of the most dangerous moments.
I'm young and have many hidden qualities; I'm young and strong and living through a big adventure; I'm right in the middle of it and can't spend all day complaining because it's impossible to have any fun! I'm blessed with many things: happiness, a cheerful disposition and strength. Every day I feel myself maturing, I feel liberation drawing near, I feel the beauty of nature and the goodness of the people around me. Every day I think what a fascinating and amusing adventure this is! With all that, why should I despair?

Why - I like her thoughts on war, even the way she expresses them. Again, her resilience.


Thursday, 15 June, 1944
...The dark, rainy evening, the wind, the racing clouds, had me spellbound; it was the first time in a year and a half that I'd seen the night face-to-face. After that evening my longing to see it again was even greater than my fear of burglars, a dark rat-infested house or robberies. I went downstairs all by myself and looked out the windows in the kitchen and private office. Many people think nature is beautiful, many people sleep from time to time under the starry sky, and many people in hospitals and prisons long for the day when they'll be free to enjoy what nature has to offer. But few are as isolated and cut off as we are from the joys of nature, which can be shared by rich and poor alike.
It's not just my imagination -- looking at the sky, the clouds, the moon and the stars really does make me feel calm and hopeful. It's much better medicine than valerian or bromide. Nature makes me feel humble and ready to face every blow with courage!
As luck would have it, I'm only able -- except for a few rare occasions-to view nature through dusty curtains tacked over dirt-caked windows; it takes the pleasure out of looking. Nature is one thing for which there is no substitute!

Why - To not see a night for so long! This one suddenly made me realize how trapped they were - the comparison to prisons and hospitals.


Thursday, July 6, 1944
...To be honest, I can't imagine how anyone could say "I'm weak" and then stay that way. If you know that about yourself, why not fight it, why not develop your character? Their answer has always been: "Because it's much easier not to!" This reply leaves me feeling rather discouraged. Easy? Does that mean a life of deceit and laziness is easy too? Oh no, that can't be true...
..We're all alive, but we don't know why or what for; we're all searching for happiness; we're all leading lives that are different and yet the same. We three have been raised in good families, we have the opportunity to get an education and make something of ourselves. We have many reasons to hope for great happiness, but. . . we have to earn it..
..People who are religious should be glad, since not everyone is blessed with the ability to believe in a higher order. You don't even have to live in fear of eternal punishment; the concepts of purgatory, heaven and hell are difficult for many people to accept, yet religion itself, any religion, keeps a person on the right path. Not the fear of God, but upholding your own sense of honor and obeying your own conscience. How noble and good everyone could be if, at the end of each day, they were to review their own behavior and weigh up the rights and wrongs. They would automatically try to do better at the start of each new day and, after a while, would certainly accomplish a great deal. Everyone is welcome to this prescription; it costs nothing and is definitely useful. Those who don't know will have to find out by experience that "a quiet conscience gives you strength!"

Why - Importance of having the courage to change. Importance of religion, spirituality and doing good actually. Self introspection simplified.


Saturday, 15 July, 1944
..Older people have an opinion about everything and are sure of themselves and their actions. It's twice as hard for us young people to hold on to our opinions at a time when ideals are being shattered and destroyed, when the worst side of human nature predominates, when everyone has come to doubt truth, justice and God...
...Anyone who claims that the older folks have a more difficult time in the Annex doesn't realize that the problems have a far greater impact on us. We're much too young to deal with these problems, but they keep thrusting themselves on us until, finally, we're forced to think up a solution, though most of the time our solutions crumble when faced with the facts. It's difficult in times like these: ideals, dreams and cherished hopes rise within us, only to be crushed by grim reality.
It's a wonder I haven't abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart. It's utterly impossible for me to build my life on a foundation of chaos, suffering and death. I see the world being slowly transformed into a wilderness, I hear the approaching thunder that, one day, will destroy us too, I feel the suffering of millions. And yet, when I look up at the sky, I somehow feel that everything will change for the better, that this cruelty too shall end, that peace and tranquility will return once more.
In the meantime, I must hold on to my ideals.  Perhaps the day will come when I'll be able to realize them!

Why - The struggle of the young minds is real, makes more sense after reading this. Also, her positivity and her beliefs! So remarkable!


Tuesday, 1 August, 1944
..keep trying to find a way to become what I'd like to be and what I could be if . . . if only there were no other people in the world.

Why - Because it is such a haunting but yet appropriate end to this beautiful diary.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Reading List

Got to complete these books by next year. B)

Harry Potter series
Diary of Anne Frank
Gone With The Wind
Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (because it sounds fun)
The Book Thief
Never Let Me Go
The Bell Jar
Alice in Wonderland
Angus Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Jane Eyre
in our time (yes in lowercase)
Different Seasons
Anna Karenina
Charlotte's Web
The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Aged 13 3/4
Winnie the Pooh
Pride and Prejudice
True Grit
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Rebecca (maybe)

The Catcher in the Rye
The Great Gatsby
This Side of Paradise
A Separate Peace
Peter Pan
Naked Lunch
Walden
Hamlet
The Stranger
The Fountainhead
Other poetries that will have to wait.

Also possibly re-read Life as We Know It. That book gave me goosebumps. One of my favourites. :)


Lots of work to do :D

My Birthday! :D

Its my birthday today. :D
Well, the last 15 minutes.
It was mostly like any other normal day. Mostly.
But so many people love me.
Its so nice to know.
So many things went wrong yet this one turned out to be so different.
Just completed my teens. All mature now. :)

Sorry was caught up.

A hundred things went wrong but its amazing what determination can do.
I did good today.
It's over.
But its okay.

Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday to Doodle. :*