Saturday, December 10, 2016

Gap Year = Good Idea? + Page From My Diary.

I had imagined gap year to be all like wow exploring yourself and chilling and exploring and being full of direction at the end of it. But this isn't what happened especially for me. I wouldn't say this year has been a waste but it was not glamorous in the least. I learnt new things and shit but oh my God, the worry! The panic! The uncertainty that still remains at the end. One should always keep those factors in mind before taking a year off. Also keep in mind that it is no race but it perpetually resemble that for some reason. Like time is running out and you are somewhat stuck. All the inhibitions and problems you have? They don't suddenly go away. You still have to work on them. You do get the time now to listen though. Time is still precious. Don't waste it on useless experiments. But.. what is useless? There is no saying what is useful or not. Just say more yes-es I guess? This is just the beginning. There is a lot to figure out, still.

Notice how stressed up you always keep your shoulders. Relax. Sometimes it all feels like a big load, a big responsibility, like you're never going to be able to do it. It's a mountain you can't climb. At other times, you doubt things are so tough. If you could keep in sight the micro goals instead of macro ones, it would start seeming a little bit like a walk and before you know it, you've made the climb. This is how it works, isn't it? If you adapt to opportunities, no decision can be "wrong". You keep switching to perfecter fits. This is a time also where you realize just about how average you are.Or maybe you already know that, it just becomes less stigmatized to accept it? Everyone is average and stars don't fall into your lap. You realize how much of thinking goes with growing up. A million choices will confuse you and you want to make the best choices but a choice is just a choice and you can't know the future and the next time your shoulders tense up again, just remember the worst choice is not making any choice at all. No matter what the present circumstances are, we are all equally susceptible. All of us are on rather tiny dinghies at the mercy of waves. Someone once told me you get to better times, or at least different times, if only you can accept the current situation you are in. Accept it and live in it. Joyfully. I guess that is how you learn to cope with it. Trust brain and heart in equal parts, sometimes favour one. And then just see how it goes?

This turned out to be quite a rant.

More knowledge from a page of my diary.

"One of the biggest things that could hold people back from big things is their own voice telling them that they can't do it; it is a simple primitive self defense mechanism that protects people from failure. But it also prevents you from trying.. from dreaming. That way you don't give it your all, you don't pin your hopes on anything and since you know you sucked, you don't end up disappointed. Failure. What's so terrifying about it? Honestly, the answer should be absolutely nothing because all it yields (or rather should yield) is satisfaction that you tried for what you wanted. And satisfaction is a good feeling. Next is the matter of questions from people. But they don't know you or your troubles. Moreover, there is a difference between someone branding you as a failure and you calling yourself a failure."

And also to get closure from something that's been bugging me since forever. There is this misunderstanding thing with this aunty. And she seems so mean and shit. And somehow I feel it's because of some fault of mine but I wish I could tell her I am not a bad person, I am just weird. But that is never happening. So, here's to hoping either one of us solves this weirdness. I wish more people understood that I don't do some things deliberately, they just happen. Till then, well. I don't think this is closure. xD

And what else? Filling out applications suck. Next thing I know applications will be like have to know gymnastics, baking and tables of 563 to apply. Sigh.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Letter to Self?

Hi,

Since all my recent entries seem like pages of a journal, why not just make it completely that? Lose all semblance to keeping private stuff private and what not!

So, to tell the truth, I have been suffering (correct usage?) from some kind of panic attacks since the past few days. And there are things I have realized from this. So this is like a reminder to myself while also being there as a post. Hmmm.

At the end of the day it all comes down to how comfortable you are within your own skin. Pay attention to what you are thinking. If you don't, things multiply and stop making sense. Don't feed them even sub consciously. Being alone is important so that you can hear beyond your primal fears and doubts. Take time to be kind to yourself because if you are constantly critiquing yourself or teacher-ing yourself, your real voice get drowned somewhere. Get down to the crux of who you are and what you like. Be patient. I read it somewhere that in the movie they say genius is not having the answers but about waiting for them. Also, how we should keep patience with all that remains unresolved; one day you might find yourself living the answers.

Remember that there so many stories to be heard, things to be seen and feelings to be felt and to have faith that it will come in due course. It has to. If you can be accepting of yourself, it becomes easier to adjust to everything else around.

And honestly things will never be perfect. I mean, it is up to you to find perfectness. Take things in your stride and see what can you do to make the most of now. Don't be scared of stressful situations - they come and go. It is all about managing it well. Which you can't if your thinking is already so clouded. Twenties are the perfect time to get your thoughts together and get a SWOT list ready. Be open and say yes more. Know that there are opportunities - you win some and lose some. It is okay if you lose some because if you're crying you can't see the next one.

And there is always love. Even when you think there can't possibly be any - when you think you are acting out, even then. Even when you don't shower. It is just important that you are moving somewhere forward. Everything else is okay. Forward, forward forward.

Also, listen to smart people. As Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy says "Don't Panic." :P

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Laziest Post Ever?

Hi.
So my internship is over.
I go back home in a week.
Life will suck a little bit.
Got a sense of optimism.
Lots of laziness.
Other things happened as well. Things belonging to the category of I don't understand. I started filling this form kind of a thing. Thoughts thing. Pretty useful. Push people away. Got a lot of support.
So yay.
Kbye.

Fantastic Beasts is so good! :D

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Random Shit #1737372

This post is going to be just like just random patterns that I have noticed.

Everybody has reasons to worry and be upset. This is a very, very important realization. It can have either or both of the two effects - you become more understanding of others pains and more understanding of your own struggle against pain.

Somehow we even lose objectivity when it comes to bad times. Specially so when you can't uncover a standalone reason for it. I mean if you discover the why you're almost done - either work towards changing it or accept it. And yet, some things fall into neither category. These along with things you can't understand break your head really. And losing objectivity is the worst thing to do because then it feels like its always been there and never gone. That would be a lie. It came back, yes, but it was gone. What if its just a space before good times come again? Like a really pathetic filler. And that's why its important to remember the good things. Not because they matter the most or whatever we've been taught but because these things keep you sane and out of mental danger.

It's pretty annoying but if you take it out, it's half of your life. Not half, but a big part. Lucky are then those who know how to modulate! And also keep themselves entertained always! The brain is a very powerful machine hungry for work. It needs to be fed properly, maintained on a good diet.

Also, you know the passage of time when the tan lines on your feet change according to your slippers. #deep

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Of course I am doing this when I am supposed to be sleeping.

Lolz.
Today was such a horrifically busy day. But I am glad I am through with all my work for today. Wuhoo.
It's good you know. Being here. Dealing with newer kinds of shit. Learning mini lessons, soms just in time. Other things that creep me out. And its good being busy. It is also good not being the smartest, or the second or the third smartest. Maybe it sounded like it had a negative connotation but no. It is actually good to sit and listen to some people just speak. I am so glad to be learning new things all around me, just by striking conversations.

Vishesh Tippanis -
Change can be good only if you learn to embrace it.
It is sometimes the best strategy to be cautious.

Jk. Look at me being all lol.
Hehe.
I will sleep now.
Let's see what tomorrow brings!

Monday, October 10, 2016

Greetings from Mumbai! :D

This marks my one week in Mumbai.
I don't know if time was fast or slow. I think it was really slow when it was slow but picked up when I wasn't looking!
Internship is fine, good actually. And through my online internship, I even became a published writer! :D
Finished Fountainhead and it was very interesting and nice. The first parts were very relatable. I really really understood what the author was trying to say. Couldn't understand the heroine though. I got lost about her sometime in between. Time for a new book.
And what else? I work for 5 hours and travel for another three everyday. But I don't feel much like an outsider here. Feel pretty chill. Office complex is naaaiiice! :D
I feel myself becoming lazy which is not allowed at all!!

Time for early mornings again. Theek acche. Good Night budsss!

Monday, September 19, 2016

"It"

I often think about the so many people looking for an "it". I can't define it really - but it's like that one thing people would go their whole lives looking for, that would complete them and then they could finally be truly happy. I guess it means different things for different people - it could be inspiration or beauty or love or job satisfaction or all of the above! Hmm, or maybe everybody goes thinking about it the wrong way. Maybe its just a myth and there is no one key.

And then I found this it in The Fountainhead -
"It is a sense of enormous expectation, the sense that one's life is important, that great achievements are within one's capacity, and that great things lie ahead."

I found this to be really beautiful! Specially when the 'great' doesn't mean great in a general sense, but a personal important to self sense. At the end of the day, this definition of it - this hope and this belief are really important. I am liking this book more and more. It's so good!

On that note, here's to crossing 5000 views. Yay. :)
Thank you everybody! :D

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

It Doesn't Matter What You Are :D



                                                       






Not exactly on point but! :)








Sunday, August 28, 2016

Let Me Describe What Now's Like.

Here I am in this community hall filled with around 50 odd fasting men/women, another 15 committee members and a bunch of children serving these fasting people. They are also accompanied in their serving by adults but I guess it works better to have cute faced children serving. Where do I come in all this? My family kind of forced me to come along to serve. And no, I am not hiding behind my phone but there are just way too many people serving and I give up. Hmm, so I guess I am the mannerless anti social element in here. So much wow.
Oh God how weird these things are! Old people standing around. Rich women in their shiny leggings. Other kinds of rich women who are trying to find their place back in the society. Other women taking after their mother in laws. Like learning tbe ropes thing. All the prostrating and forced on warmth. Children/long lost relatives you used to see more of when you were younger and participated more in community things - they've gotten older and some of them have started looking way past their age. Happy and well mannered young children who do not hesiatate talking to people. Annoucemnts regarding the money gifts being announced for all the devotees. Gifts crossed a hundred per person today. Jubilation over that. All the while everyone is subject to the judgement of everyone else. I think I already made my case against me by not bowing down to the many, many people gathered here. Or maybe I did not when I did not acknowledge my neighbour. I don't know. But in comparison the active enthusiasm participation of everybody else.. Their mannerisms have always given me discomfort from when I was little.
Wow. I don't think I am ever going to have a society. They're not bad people, most of them.. They're just spotlight-y people. No society doesn't bother me much but its a skill - to socialize so smoothly like they do.
PS - Just had a conversation with a relative and I have no clue what he asked. I answered what I thought was suitable. I think it wascompletely completely unrelated. Ugh. Never will be a smooth talker if I have to keep asking people to repeat. :P
My semi deafness doesn't help! Mortifying things. :|

Monday, August 15, 2016

Heyyo!

I did some Independence Day celebrating by cleaning two shelves of my super amazing cupboard. Here's some things I found!
Piece of writing which I remember showing Meenal and her questioning me on. Also teaching me the appropriate response to her questions. Must have written this 4 years ago I think. Or more.
Earliest sports day invitations. Mom kept them!
A copy of some adapted story book version of the Old Testament we answered exams for a year or two on.
Copy of an Orkut testimonial written for a friend.
Because I am a hoarder, I have a lot of possessions. I had once started to try cataloguing them. Remnants of that failed attempt are still stored in my cupboard. Some of these are papers full of song lyrics and I remember some idiotic boys making fun of my writing such songs on the back of my notebooks.
Two newspaper cutouts from when I was famoussss. Lol jk. Neved famous. Just a result thing and some competition thing.
Class 12 Pre boards answer scripts. Idk why.
Scrapbook from class 2. The first page says - Special thanks to Keshavi Velani (mom). Yes. Believe it.
Class 7 lesson plan. Ummm, my class teacher used to ask me to write down the lesson plan in fair for her because of good handwriting. Again, don't know why I never returned it and just stole it and won't throw it now.
Such a cuteass card for dad. I mean.. It makes a lot of sense. Many other cards. :))
Oh and this certificate thing - there was a Macmillan assessment. Some random exam you had to give and I had scored the highest in Jharkhand in English when I was in Class 7. Now this certificate is very imoortant! I remember sitting on the floor during assembly feeling slightly annoyed; thinking how there was no point to these announcements because the same stupid people win all the time and the rest of us just keep clapping for the same old people. And then I heard my name and I was like whaaaaat. Yaa! Things!
That's about it I guess. There were a lot of Shah Rukh faces staring at me from the Meenal pile. O.O

And now I will go read a few pages of the illustrated Science dictionary I found among other Meenal stuff :D

All the while ignoring the fact that I actually couldn't stuff everything back. There is a lot of stuff outside. And no space inside. And that's fine. I will distract myself with the Snakes and Ladders and Ludo and Trade game set that's outside.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Random Update #6386372

I hate weekends!!
Weekends mean having uncomfortable conversations with yourself.. full of uncertainty and worry!
If only I could figure out where I am going wrong..
Making life decisions is so not my thing!
Today is Happy Friendship Day though! :D
And I am pretty much phoneless.. mostly even Internet less.
I also saw what happens when you let yourself slip into a comfort zone for way too long.. it's weird people could do that to themselves. It's like they are just being happy.. relieved a little bit on making it a little far and then before you know it you wonder what you did with all that time.
Seeing other people make mistakes in real time has made things harder actually. The way I see it now is that no matter what you do land in a pickle eventually. :P
And then again how life is a big process of coming out of that situation. I don't know.
I did sit on that huge amazing big roller coaster Nitro alone :D
I am awesome that way.
Also.. have to try my hand at something productive. Please help out with ideas here! It does seem like worth a shot. It's true what Meenal did tell me.. about trying other stuff to actually know other stuff. It's like a challenge she set me.. make something which could be commercially viable.
Need to exercise my brain.
Maybe it's a good weekend exercise? Going back to basics and cross checking whether all you've known and thought is still true?

Also finished Kafka on the Shore! Bits of it flew past my head and it was like nothing I have ever read. ... but it was pleasant. Some of it was really good and soothing really. The pace is soothing. And my favourite would have to be Nakata. Yay. :D

Anyway. Rhea, if you're there, congratulations! :D
I heard you joined Greenpeace. So happy for youuuu. :D
I don't have my phone anymore and you're not on Facebook. :P

Let's do this. All ideas welcome. :P
Kbye. :)

Thursday, July 14, 2016

This is Kinda Nice! :)

https://youtu.be/dWG8IK15dbk

And this
https://markmanson.net/passion

And this is cute too. She's sorted.
https://youtu.be/l3rnEUOyfcM

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

I Did A Thing Again.

Yes yes its inspired but see!

Also, 4004 views. Wow. I feel so happy! Thank you everybody! :D
I think the spam site from France might have helped a bit with the view count as well. Lol. :P




Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Dearest Deepak :)

I feel really bad now that I didn't write properly to you but then I didn't know you were going forever. So I just wrote you jokes.
Anyway, here we are. I know you must be really busy and all. But I give you free advice all the time anyway.
Firstly, stop crying!! We calculated 12 years today but even you know you'll be best friends even now. You're never alone.
Second, you'll have a blast there. It's a good place. You'll figure out what is expensive and what is not. Again, stop crying. :P
And I know you must be really tired of hearing this but you're an amazing amazing person. Sometimes you are even cute when you are not being irritating. But most importantly, you are a fun person. You know what that means? You'll have a million friends. Everybody loves fun people!
You're going to do great in life. You are already wayyy ahead of me. Don't doubt so much. You'll find your plan. :D (#abkibaardeepaksarkaar ;))
I sachi ka wish all your big king sized dreams materialize and you do what you actually want to :)
I will try and keep sending you lame jokes time to time.
Don't become a stranger.
I like having knowledge of everybody's lives.
I hope you find somebody new to annoy even there.
Do susu potty time pe. Varna you will get kidney infection. And giant poop formation problems.
Man. Don't go.
And remember what I sent along with the birthday thing? That promise me you'll remember wala paper? Remember that always. Get it tattooed if you have to, I don't know.
If you do not talk to me.. I will have to hit you like a carrom goti. This time I will practice and come so that it hurts for sure.
Just take care, okay?
Don't find trouble and go to college. Learn whatever they teach you. I hope you have interesting things to look forward to.
Bestest of luckk. :)
You're still EMT. :D
(Yes we should find you a new name Deep Poo).
Don't drown in Arabian Bay.
Write to me toooo.
This is thoda sad now.

Bye. <3 :)

Monday, July 4, 2016

Loooooook!

Are these mother's medicines or is this a volcano? :O



And look what happened next.
Poempii situation.
Everything got burnt.
Here are the ashes. :O




Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Monday, June 27, 2016

She Diaries

She picked up the fresh sheet of paper. It was going to be so easy - some kind of pure dictation - but only from her mind.

I like to colour lives. It makes everyone seem happier and that gives me happiness. You taught me a new shade of colour. This shade worked the same way as all of those that were mine but it was deeper and richer and thus, more helpful.
You seem embarrassed about being so good sometimes.. not embarrassed maybe but guilty. I can't recognize it. Don't read so well yet. But I can see the result of it and it doesn't have to be that way. It is a uselessly big burden to carry. It should be seen as an achievement - to remain true when everything else is twisted. To not hurt anyone and remain on your own race track, no matter what. To inch slowly forward on your own terms. Maybe you have learnt to see it that way.
I talk about colors a lot and it seems like she is a bright lemon yellow to you. And that's a really good thing! I only hope they were brighter yellows before.
You run away from life sometimes. Maybe that is just a part of delusion. If its not, I sometimes understand where you're coming from. I would call it laughable but clearly it works.
You know how obsessed everyone is about being great and not forgotten? Being good and not forgotten seems like a more potent method to me now.
Maybe my shades are enough too. Someday I might know.

Oh, shit. She laughed at herself. Crushed the paper. No, it wasn't that easy.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

My Office!

So I was totally panicking and worried about my whole internship thing. And I have one advice for myself - give change time before evaluating! The bigger the change, longer the time. Because I didn't like it all that much the first day or the second but I can safely say today it's amazing. No, my works not amazing because I barely have any. But its fun to learn whatever I do learn. :D

Oh man. But they're shifting sir to the other office which suckssss. Sucks soooo muccchhhhhhhh. Basically he is the only one who teaches me things, is super experienced and more importantly super super super super super super funny. All of the office people could have been my friends. But now they're taking the fun away from the office. So here I make super fervent prayers that it doesn't happen. I just.. Our office already went two days without him and everybody was so relieved when he returned. Ughhhh. Oh come on. Someone do something. He can't go! 

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Coldplay. Good Decision, Always.

No, my Coldplay obsession is not over yet. Hopefully, it never ever will be.

It's always a good decision to listen to Coldplay. It makes a bad day good and a good day better. And it's not just about the music. The music obviously is great but they're so inspirational! Their videos are so inventive! It's full of emotion. Most of them focus on bringing good energy to people's lives (the videos!). And sometimes even if it doesn't really apply to your life, you can completely feel it and understand the emotions behind it. It's for the soul. It's relaxing. It's so soothing. It's about learning to make the world better for everyone else as well. It wouldn't even seem surprising to me if it gets too overwhelming and people cried (as I read in the video comments). It's about letting people know they aren't alone and they can make it.

It's..  Indescribable.
The things it does to you.
The joy it gives.
The feeling of being lost in it and not wanting to return.

I love you Coldplay. I hope I get to see you live one day. And I hope you know that you do much, much, much more than 'just' creating good music. That in itself is a big deal but you've always done more. :') 

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Exactly.

I am left stunned and confused how these things can conceivably continue to happen in our world. 
- Adam Levine on the shooting of Christina Grimmie. 


It is really a year full of crappy news and we are not even halfway year there. It's pretty much senseless whatever has been happening. 

Monday, June 13, 2016

#MorningsLikeThese

Have you ever seen an ant trying to escape water? Water surrounds that little ant from all sides and the ant keeps running in all directions trying to keep itself from drowning? That is exactly what panicking feels like. [Although I hope everyone tries and saves those ants from drowning! :O]

This title. Lol. Actually once when I was in a paying guest facility, we experienced a really major earthquake in the middle of the night. But it was over soon enough and we clambered back up and slept.. Because sleep and we would have to be up for college anyway in an hour or so. Then there were the other girls who didn't sleep at all. And apparently the next morning, they had splattered Instagram with posts like #MorningsLikeThese. Hahaha. 

Lesser of Two Evils?

What would you choose?
Never have a best friend or have a best friend for only a fixed amount of time after which you separate?

I saw two friends kind of bid bye today and it sucked. Sometimes we can't have it all. I hate goodbyes of all kinds and for all people. I know that distance doesn't change things always but..

It's just that it's such a relief to be around people you can really breathe. When you let the dam of your filters lose and then your thoughts flow like water and all that fog and haze that your minds been in starts to dissipate. Where there is no need to hold back. Oh, people!

Saturday, June 11, 2016

The People Diaries - 4! :D

Aanchal Arora.
"I strongly believe things get better".
Probably, that's how everyone thinks of her. That ball of positivity and helpfulness and goodness and kindness. Actually, scratch that. This girl has managed to link the word awesome to herself. So, that's what people think when they think of her. Haha.
But seriously. If there ever was a person working as hard for someone else as for herself, it was her. And that strong will to get things done. Possibly, that's what gets good people up and going when they are down (and then use what they've learnt when they were down to help others get back up).
Well, what can anyone say? Some people are just the whole package - of sympathy and smarts and sarcasm and studliness and cuteness. :P
This interview thing is a true reflection of what she stands for as a person. Well, except the fact that there is no mention of baby love!

Three words you'd use to describe yourself?
Friendly/Helpful, Straightforward, resilient.

What would you say are your strengths?
I haven't yet figured out my strengths and weaknesses. Everyone knows my weakness. People I love. Ask me what my favourite thing to do is.

Okay. What is your favourite thing to do?
That also you know. Reading, painting, cooking (including baking)  swimming, creative things, movies, music, games/board games, travelling, star grazing and Raj! ;)
I also plan to join a dance class soon!

You've pretty much listed every extra curricular activity there is!
Listening to music isn't. :P

When did you realize you were growing up?
After college. Major grown up feels.

What is love according to you?
When you can be who you are without being judged. Like how moms never judge you. They scold, they tell you you've done wrong. But at the end of the day, no matter how badly you behave, she'll know you didn't mean it.

What do you want your story to say?
Good at what I do, good person, happiness and satisfaction.

What's your biggest priority right now?
Right now - career.
Constant priority - people I love.

Is being good at what you do the most important thing to you? Like I notice how much you always stress it and attach importance to it..
Yes it is. Very.

What do you fear?
Having regrets. Not minor regrets but life regrets. And the usual - bankruptcy, needles, losing loved ones. I also fear losing the respect of people I respect and look up to. Or not even look up, someone I like as a person. It scares me.

The fact that regrets might happen even if you think you're going on the right path?
Nah, that doesn't worry me that much.

So, regrets how?
Not taking up a sport seriously maybe. And learning piano. And not studying for second year. Not studying maybe when I could have excelled with a little more effort. Don't regret that much about school though because I had a good time. Teachers were nice to me. Had nice friends. Did decently. Could've done better but that's fine. Regret being lazy about second year.

What is the one thing you wish people understood? Like it's obvious but no one can see it?
Sly people. I HATE sly people from the bottom of my heart and somehow people never see through! Happens to me all the time!

What inspires you?
Excellence, goodness. Goodness is sort of vague but you know how you want to become a better person when you see nice people. And knowledge.

How do you manage to stay positive? When everything seems wrong?
The fact that it'll get better. I strongly believe things get better.

What changes do you wish to see in the world?
Niceness! The ability to think for other people. Cleaner and greener world. Less, preferably, no poverty. Open minds. Less societal interference in personal lives.

Things you can't imagine life without?
Compassion. Having dreams. A happy and supportive family. The internet!

Things about you, you wish people knew?
I get misunderstood A LOT. Because I see everything in black and white. So every time I upset someone, I didn't mean it. I never mean to hurt or upset people. Unless of course, I dislike the person - in which case too, I don't try to upset the person. I just ignore the person.

What motivates you? What drives you to keep doing what you do? Just wake up and do things.
That people believe in me. That I can't waste my life. There are other things as well - like the consequences of being lazy. And that I don't want to be a nobody. Nobody does, but it's a thing for me.

This is Water

An extract from 'This is Water'.  While all this seemed pretty obvious up front, I found myself thinking about it a day or two later. It connects to my last post somewhat!

Because here's something else that's true. In the day-to-day trenches of 
adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing 
as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to 
worship. And an outstanding reason for choosing some sort of God or 
spiritual-type thing to worship — be it J.C. or Allah, be it Yahweh or the 
Wiccan mother-goddess or the Four Noble Truths or some infrangible set 
of ethical principles — is that pretty much anything else you worship will 
eat you alive. If you worship money and things — if they are where you tap 
real meaning in life — then you will never have enough. Never feel you have 
enough. It's the truth. Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure 
and you will always feel ugly, and when time and age start showing, you will 
die a million deaths before they finally plant you. On one level, we all know 
this stuff already — it's been codified as myths, proverbs, clich├ęs, bromides, 
epigrams, parables: the skeleton of every great story. The trick is keeping 
the truth up-front in daily consciousness. Worship power — you will feel 
weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to keep the 
fear at bay. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart — you will end up 
feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. And so on.
Look, the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they're 
evil or sinful; it is that they are unconscious. They are default-settings. 
They're the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, 
getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure 
value without ever being fully aware that that's what you're doing. And the 
world will not discourage you from operating on your default-settings, 
because the world of men and money and power hums along quite nicely on 
the fuel of fear and contempt and frustration and craving and the worship 
of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that 
have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The 
freedom to be lords of our own tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the 
center of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But 
of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most 
precious you will not hear much talked about in the great outside world of 
winning and achieving and displaying. The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and 
being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over 
and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. That is real freedom. 
The alternative is unconsciousness, the default-setting, the “rat race” — the 
constant gnawing sense of having had and lost some infinite thing.

Boundaries and Heights.

You know it.
Just one more push. That bit of a little more effort.
But it still seems out of reach.

You think.
Ready to bend over backwards. Do anything really.
But feel no push.

Somehow its always a little too far
A little more of this. A little more of that.
Do this.
Eat that.
See all.
Yet you never cross the ribbon first.

It's a weird suspended feeling.
It's out there.
But its there.
And you're here.
And there is no bridge.
No connection. No fulfillment. No plans. 

Monday, June 6, 2016

Remembering nice quotes! :)

Never forget who you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armour, and it can never be used to hurt you.

Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth.
What truth?
There is no spoon.
There is no spoon? 
Then you'll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

Just when I thought I am out of things to say and that maybe its the end of my writing, I remember these. :P

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

On my way to the most comfortable home in Kolkata.

Oh well its no secret that I love Shristi's home. I don't know why, I just do.
And the book that I had thought I had closed is now, is actually finally closing now for real. It does suck. But no matter what it has to happen.
So much good makes past bad easier to forget. :)
But it's time to say goodbye again.

[Couldn't post this in time due to network issues]

I start a new internship tomorrow and I hope I don't bungle it. :P
I am actually worried about the lunch hour the most. Hahaha. But learning new things is always good. And the key to not feeling bad is to surround yourself with people who are inspired and happy. Who are devoid of what is petty and are dreamy. I think it instantly works in removing all kinds of negativity. 

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

SUITS!

I think I just ran out of people to tell that I love love love Suits.
I just started with it yesterday and it didn't even take me half an episode to fall irrevocably in love with those guys.
So much swag. That cockiness and attitude.
A guy you can hate. (Although the episode I just saw made me feel a little bad for him!)
I think I have fallen in love with fictional charcters after a really long time. Huh.
<3

Also, I doubt this is the last time anyone on my blog is hearing about this show and all this fangirling.  ^_^

Thursday, May 19, 2016

To Stupidity and Happiness

Sometimes its so funny to see old pictures.  To see how ridiculous you looked.  Like yaa.  Nobody I know has said I looked so good back then and look at me so shitty now. College changes a little bit in everyone. But in all that stupid looking-ness, there is a reminder you know. That life was so simple then because you were so naive.  Everybody was so naive.  And you had this naive little world where people were honest and had petty fights.  Before everybody got infected with this tartar of negativity.  And suddenly it wasn't so simple anymore. Suddenly best friends wouldn't talk about what's affecting them anymore.  People realized it's better to hide what they feel.  You get touched by negative emotions in a way you don't want to and yet somehow feel powerless to stop it. People drift apart. Hearts break.  You have the responsibility of your future on your shoulders. Some learn not to trust the hard way. Becoming honest becomes somehow increasingly tough.   Growing up is important but all this seems so.. Sad.  It's unavoidable. I often wonder if everyone feels about it that way.  But still.  To silly floppy hair and outdated clothes. 

Monday, May 16, 2016

Her Life in Her Hands

She walked to the riverside. It was calm today. She liked to be alone when she talked to him. She deliberated for a few seconds.
She joked then - Are you mad that I threw away everything of yours after you left?
She alone chuckled. The reassurance she hoped for didn't come.

Before she could stop herself, the words came tumbling out.
She got angry and questioned him - Why did you leave? Why would you go? You had no right to make that decision.
Again, no reassurance came.

Finally, tears streaming down her cheeks she apologized, that she did realize that it wasn't a choice. She saw her tears ruining whatever she had been writing in that notebook of hers. Losing control, she flung it far away hoping it would fall into the water and just drift away. That notebook was the last evidence that something beautiful had existed. Earlier, when he did exist in flesh and blood they had left each other notes in that. And now? She was left pouring her heart out and talking and hoping.

She thrashed about and she pulled out the grass and she screamed and screamed.
The reassurance never came.

Finally exhausted from all the pain and tears, she looked up. The notebook had just stopped short of falling into the water. His reassurance had come. She smiled.

Picked it up again and tried.
Again, she wrote - I know why you went alone. You thought you'd be smart and reach first and just make me feel bad about how slow and lazy I am. Such an ass.

She walked back alone to her life, holding it in her hands.

PS - Sounded less cheesy-ish in my head.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Everything but You.

I guess I kept thinking of all those times in my life. I don't remember what I exactly did or what I said or what somebody else did or what happened but I remember the environment. Everything but me and them. It's stuck like a picture in my head. In all of these, nothing/no one ever moves like they do in memories. However, these picture brings with it a certain sense of calm and comfort and that is how I will always remember them. Unblemished. I hope these never leave me even when I make newer pictures. Because, they felt so good. :)

Winter morning but wide awake
Warm sunshine filtering by the window next to you
Full stomachs
Lazy head downs
A rare day when you said what you thought
Left with the hope of a similar if not better tomorrow
And it felt good.

Scorching heat killing you outside
So you stepped inside to waste your time
Ordered a burger
No money for fries
Overstayed your welcome after dissecting your lives
Before you knew the sun set
Ultimately left because of the excess air conditioning
And it felt good,

Twenty four people in a room
With flowers and a cake
Celebrated a milestone
In a way the household never saw before
Loud voices and brightest of smiles
And it felt good.

Freezing nights
Can't keep an inch of your body outside
Curious questions and conversations
Shut up for fear of being caught awake on a school night
And it felt good.

A friend's home and bed
Sprawled across as if your own
Darkened room
Tedious work long forgotten
Excited minds and eyes working on some random plan
Discussions with another friend walking on the way home
Took a longer route just for some more time
And it felt good.

Collectively drowning in misery
The voice modulated lectures stopped making any sense
Constant wait for that momentary break to convey something that felt so urgent
Laughing like idiots
Playing under the sky
The enveloping feeling of togetherness
Because feeling lost alone is so much more miserable
And it felt good.

Saturday, May 14, 2016

On a non-fanatic note.

So, I completed 3000 views. Called for a change. Which I put in the header. Also made an AdSense account but nope indiscriminate clicking doesn't help. It's late and I should sleep. My entrance material is pretty cool if I don't descend into madness ever so often and focus like a normal person.
I forgot whatever I had to say. Oh ya, thank you you guys for being so amazing and taking it to 3000. :D
You have made my obsessions stronger. Wuhoo.
Okay, bye. :)

Oh and my friend gets to meet Deepika Padukone. So cool.

And, have to post a post about a recent controversy I came across. :O

OUTRAGEOUS!

So, I have been reading up on the World War and the Middle East recently and it's simply outrageous how we function! My blood is boiling when I think of it. I wasn't supposed to write this post until I finished with my exam but this is just not acceptable!

I was this naive girl who thought foreign aid is usually given in wars for humanitarian reasons. When we were taught war poetry - Anthem of the Doomed Youth, in particular - our English teacher had kept emphasizing on how it is the big powers that manipulate the people. [The Linkin Park song too - When the rich wage war, it's the poor who die.] I always agreed with the fact that its the poor who suffered but I also wondered why the poet was so critical of wars in general - like some of them had to be fought to make wrongs right. Right? No. And here's why.

World War II could have been stopped easily had Britain and France intervened earlier but they didn't. They had this policy of appeasement which actually stemmed from the fact that they wary of Communism, namely the USSR and since Germany and USSR already didn't see eye to eye, they let Germany continue their expansionist policies until it was way too late. Specially the example of the Munich Pact. Under this pact, Czechoslovakia was divided because Germany wanted it (under the pretext of looking after the German minorities there). Guess who decided the fate of Czechoslovakia? Britain, France, Germany and Italy. Oh, and the Czechoslovakian delegation? They were never consulted. Originally, Britain and France were  supposed to stop this from happening but anyway.

During the World War period, there was the Manchurian crisis wherein Japan attacked China. Why? They were reeling from an economic crisis and the only way they thought they could prove their supremacy was through expansion. Like....
In fact Manchuria was a major supplier of inputs to Japan and according to agreements, Japan had the right to attack China in case any of their provisions were disturbed. Allegedly, they bombed their own railroads.

Nazism. Well.

Then the whole Middle East crisis. Admittedly, I had not been religiously following the news but I was sure someone was looking out for the people but umm, nope.
Specifically in Syria, Russia is supporting the President because it had good ties with them and also because it has set up its army base there giving it strategic access to the whole region. Also, it currently supplies natural gas to Europe and Saudi Arabia (on the side of the rebels) is a competitor. The longer the war continues, greater will be the advantage to Russia. Iran supports the President because again ally which is okay but also because Syria is very important logistically for providing support to Hezbollah in Lebanon. Where in all of this are the civilians being considered? Those civilians who had revolted against him?
Saudi Arabia supports the rebel cause as they don't want Iran's influence.
The Syrian crisis was never along the lines of the Shia and Sunni divide but in order to justify their intervention Saudi Arabia as well as Iran are responsible for making it a sectarian affair. Saudi Arabia and Iran are responsible for a lot of the Middle Eastern conflicts and it is just about to get worse with more money in the hands of Iran after the Iran Nuclear Pact (all economic sanctions will be lifted against them in return for the destruction of their nuclear materials like uranium and some centrefuge something system). Same has been happening in Yemen and Bahrain where both Shia and Sunni communities have co-existed for years before. Saudi Arabia wants greater influence and uses the Sunni argument and Iran the Shia argument for the same end. Meanwhile, US has an alliance with Saudi Arabia so duh, support. Iran and US are at loggerheads. As a result, the anti-governmental forces have again been divided into Kurds, Sunni militants, al Nusra idk what. Everybody hates the ISIS but it is only building upon the Sunni-Shia divisions already created by other countries for their benefits. Even though ISIS recognizes itself as Sunni, it still caused disruption in Saudi. These things have always backfired. USSR invaded Afghanistan wanting its own influence there and US provided the militants with armaments which led to eventual radicalization and attacks on the US itself. US even provided Pakistan militants with weapons for the Afghanistan thing and these insurgents attacked India as well. All of these countries are really like playgrounds to everyone involved. You'd think they would stop intervening by now for such selfish reasons but that's just me. Well, they did leave something alone. What is that? The civilians. By alone, I mean stranded.

An estimated fifth of the population of Syria are now refugees. Many, many are internally displaced. Around 42,000 become refugees daily. (Refugees are also coming from Somalia, Afghanistan, Myanmar etc.)
Now we will cast a glance at the rich nations.
Europe. What did they do? Formed an arrangement with Libya to stop influx of immigrants from there. The refugees caught were brought back to Libya where punishment in the form of torture and rape was the norm. Thank God the Gaddafi government fell. Oh, so what did they do next? Formed barbed wires. Denied joint responsibility. Just one nation (Germany) is open to them. UK, I guess, has agreed to accept 20,000 refugees per year in the dire situation of the existence of already 4.5 million people. Some places have made immigration punishable with upto 3 years imprisonment. UK stopped investing in the search and rescue operations with the result of 2,500 refugees dying just trying to cross the Mediterranean. The search and rescue has estimatedly save 1,50,00 lives earlier.

In 2013, there were 2.5 million refugees. How many did the US accept? 36.

And these powers have never hesitated to intervene. Yes, I do not have the complete history with me. But in the long and tumultuous history of Middle East they have regularly played the puppeteer. Why the hesitance with aid?
If there is one thing I have learnt it is that nations never will consider things as 'right' or 'wrong'. There is just 'beneficial' or not.

 Appalling. All of it is appalling.

What saddens me the most that some of these decisions are a result of populism. This means there was someone like me who thought waging war was okay. Someone like me who thought not accepting refugees because I was insecure about their culture or religion was okay. [I also Googled - Refugees more often that not have a net positive impact. I could find only one case of a Syrian refugee committing a crime. So, suspicion of criminal intent doesn't justify this.] Someone who was at the helm thought the ruination of a country was okay. Someone like me who thought sacrificing a fellow countryman for no reason at all was okay.

Extremism is on the rise and one wonders what other atrocities are left to be seen.

The poets were right and that is deeply upsetting.

Disclaimer - I could read up very limited material on it. I wish I could have really dissected this matter but I face time constraints. Also, maybe that is why some of the above mentioned facts may have been biased.

Also I did find an alliance in all of this which was partly altruistic - the US Israel one.

Some source materials that will explain what I have tried to say in a much, much better way -
http://www.vox.com/2016/1/4/10708682/sunni-shia-iran-saudi-arabia-war
http://www.vox.com/2015/9/5/9265501/refugee-crisis-europe-syria

Other bad news about refugees being stranded at sea because no one would take them. These were from Myanmar. Rohingya Muslims.
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-32686328

Picture of the Middle East I kept referring to because I was so confused about who was where and what did they support
http://www.hartford-hwp.com/archives/51/187.html

Now I shall go read what this means for the rest of the world. I mean, this has already become one of the reasons Britain wants to exit the EU. And is the reason for Trump's popularity.

Monday, May 9, 2016

#DreamDiary (lost count)

Super creepy dream!

So I dreamt that there were people trying to irritate me but I couldn't do anything about it. Like some of them came up on the blog to diss it and promote their own stuff and I couldn't remove them from here or something. I don't know why but I had to resort to beating them up physically. There was a pink and white striped shirt man with heavy kajal on his eyes and he kept touching me inappropriately. He would say excuse me for an opportunity to cross everytime and do the same thing over and over. I stayed up half the night beating him up as well.  Like really tying up his hands and hitting and punching him.
But.. turns out half these people weren't real. I was reacting to something that wasn't there. I was hitting the empty space. I woke my mom up in  the dream. Like I was sleeping on the bed and she on the floor. She told me that it was the last time she would come sleep next to me to help me calm down - that she had had enough of my drama and waking up and making noise at night and that she would register me at some mental institution and that was it. She was done. Her leg gave her trouble everytime she was on the bed. And then I heard a background voice that said she is so delusional that for her, her mom isn't enough. She has to be an angel from the sky. And my mom vanished and there was a Peter Pan-ish shadow on the wall. And I kept crying and saying please and please.

I have probably never been happier to wake up next to mom. Apparently she had woken me up because I had been making weird noises in my sleep. So scary and weird! :O

Friday, May 6, 2016

Not Really About Painting.

You have this fresh sheet
You hope to make your masterpiece
When you check, the materials seem all right
So you grow confident that it might come together in the very first try
You make and you make
More than that you erase
Because the lines won't join
They don't bend
They don't curve
They run out of control
Change direction
You learn to grow more patient
The page becomes a big mess
Too thick and too thin
Just too much variation
So you tear it off and start afresh
With sharpened pencils and bigger oil pastels
Much to your chagrin the picture still doesn't appear
For the previous page has left behind too many impressions
Admitting you need help you ask a friend
Whose skills are commendable and they are so far ahead
To make it easy on you
They make the dots
"Oh just join them and then you're sorted out"
Again you try with your fullest concentration
It starts beautifully
And you are about to finish it
Laughably that's when you decide to dip your brush in black
And all the colours are now indistinguishable
They've mixed and merged,
Struggled but ultimately succumbed
The paper just a mess of wet black lumps.
Tired of starting over
You try to salvage it
Give it some form
All that practice hasn't yet made you an artist
Your brush just succeeds in further distorting those lumps
The years you invested seem now to be a waste
The brush too seems to have fulfilled its purpose
This leaves you with the biggest question of all -
How to destroy that black monster you've created?

PS - Whenever I end a post like this, it seems like awkward silence to me. So I will just like talk for a bit. I always wanted to do thisss! Like write something and be like no bro I was talking about something else. Haha. I think I've paid too much attention to literature classes in school. Anyway, I will post again at night. I hope I will have something positive to say. Till then. :D

Update - Yes, I forgot to add it in yesterday but I finally did something I was scared to do that day. ^_^

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Sunday, May 1, 2016

My Cupboard

So I was cleaning my cupboard today and I came across all the cards I have ever received and I did what I do every time I come across them - I stopped cleaning and started reading them. Let me tell you mom is the cutest. She has given us cards for every day that was made - birthday, daughters day, friendship day. Such cute things. Such cute designs.
Cards given by Apurva. So much effort. Plus they are evidence of how friendships mature over the years.
All my cousins and mama and mami. And my kaka and kaki and chickloos. Haha. And also my neighbours congratulating me for something I don't remember.
My sister gave me a card once with the cutest message on it.
Cards by my friends! Childish ones from childhood by my school friends. Pretty ones and even random ones by my college friends.
And of course my brother who doesn't believe in writing anything on cards. Like I could literally re-sell them.
So thank you guys! You've made me happy. When you gave them to me, for sure, and all the times I even seen them again since then.
I really don't know why the card culture had to die. It was one of the beSt things we had. I am trying to make it come back as well (of course there are certain people I know who still believe in cards). But it's tough tough tough to sit and actually make a card for all the people you care about. You'd be left making cards all the time! But seriously though. Yay. :D

I have even kept the original plastic Doodle came in. Just for the original Doodle smell! It's still there! :D

Also I was always a nerd. Like I found a book with random information on computers which was given to me in Class 4, my secret diary written in code whose key I didn't bother writing down and hence can't read anymore, all the questions I used to actually copy down (along with my sister I guess) from KBC. I remember saving a manual somewhere to learn foreign languages from it! Haha.
But the most precious of all, I found my "Inventor's Guide Book"! It's truly fantastic. I love love love that cute little booklet. Haha. Nerd and proud. B)

That's about it. Ending another unproductive day.
Good night world! :)

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Sucky Internet + Typing in the Heat + Just spied a lizard hiding very sneakily.

So I am waiting here for my song to get downloaded but it won't because sucky internet.
The lizard just came out but I still can't see it clearly. Its like those nude shots in movies where you can't really see the whole body because of strategically placed objects - in this case, the lizard is choosing to reveal just its tail to me. Hah.

As for the heat! The sockets in the AC room where I am supposed to sleep are burning the charging pins of my charger. They've become all black and so I had to shift to the non-AC dining room and I am supposed to be studying for a bit, maybe?

Umm, I don't know why I am writing why I am about to write but I guess its for the good. Maybe?
Let's start with day before. So, there was this party and I didn't say a hi back (but it was only because I was unsure whether the wave was for me or not). And then there was the whole party with people I didn't know well and so I didn't speak at all for the evening. Normal people would let go of these things because those guys aren't people I chill with everyday, anyway. But all of this didn't leave my mind. Yes, I didn't think about the drive after which was wonderful or anything else that was good but about every smile, every judgement, and of course that hi. Very unnecessarily, I know.

That was yesterday. Today was a whole new story. It was like I wanted to say a lot - like I was up to the brim with things but there was no exit. Like accumulated stuff but things you don't say to everyone. It is a very uncomfortable sort of feeling. All trapped things. It kind of made me want to vomit (oh, this could have been the food :P). But ya. Like a good breaking of things or a good shouting or something would make it okay. I just wanted to talk, you know, but if I would talk, nothing would seem okay to talk about. It is a weird in-between but I tried anyway. But.. just anyway, sometimes its not worth bothering anyone. How do you even start a conversation with - Hey I want to talk but not really talk. Doesn't make sense. Plus I do get the fact that people have work stuff and their own lives to deal with..

I honestly don't know what I want. Maybe its a side-effect of too much vacation. Maybe I am not supposed to pay attention to all this crap. Maybe I am making it seem like it is more than it is. Maybe that's why I start making meaningless conversation!

Who knows? :D
Oh this exercise is probably a waste of everyone's time but just wanted to let you know. Idkkkkkk. It will come and go like all things do.
Ohhho bye.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Random Update #88744

Hmmm. Summer is killing me a little bit. More than that I am feeling fat and lazy and passive aggressive. Is it.. *gasp*.. too much vacation?

I think I am not made for social media. I jog my memory back to last 3 attempts at PDA and they all seem so stupid.

Life sucks. No I mean all I feel like doing right now is eating the delicious things in my fridge and watch my stomach grow and yawn and that sucks. I can feel my focus leaving my body.. dripping away so fast like idk.

Okay wait. Will try to talk some sense. What did I learn from the newspaper? Battery low = typing fast. US wants to be friends with India, at least for defence purposes. Signed some treaty for logistics co-operation = faster transfer of fuels and materials. Something else that could be abbreviated as DTTT = strategic defense cooperation against enemy attacks + better attack plans as well. Some of it comes as a response to China's growing power (case in point - it tabooing the branding of Jaish-e-Mohammed chief as a terrorist by the UN). Well, this is all I have retained.
Plus, a sad tale of a Kashmiri dad who was tortured so badly for his 'militant' son's whereabouts and then told he was dead and turned out he was in an asylum in Pune. Upsetting news!

Other people your age finding direction in life is a tad bit scary. Very scary. Its all about woohoo-got-into-dream college/course shit now. Why isn't everyone lazy like me? Directionless would help too!? I don't know what I am saying. Congratulations to them! :)
But scary, nonetheless. Wasting time is much more convenient.
I did order some study material and I pray to God it helps.

Also, the HEAT. It burns into your skin even at 8 in the evening. The heat-wave kind of heat. Will I ever do anything? My house doesn't have enough space for my things. Can't unpack which is good because my room doesn't have an air conditioner.

Okay, critically low battery.
Cheerios.

:)

My College Life :)


My college life in a sentence -

Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything's different?

This phase was good and comfortable and I have no clue what the next phase brings. This will always be there but its already time for something new? This picture is such a fun picture and all that time we were laughing like crazy. Such is life, my brothers, such is life!

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

URGENT OPINIONNNN!

I got my surprise birthday party todaaayy. Yay. :D
Love pretty cakes :)

Anyway, urgent opinion about.. Like I want to write something nice but on like completely plain paper. So is it still okay? If you write good things on bad (by that I mean plain) paper? Choosing coloured papers is a task. Choosing good pens to go with them an even bigger one. White paper is crisp and nice.

I am phone-less by the way. Lololol.

And what else?
Oh ya, so I was catching up on Game of Thrones from Season 3 where I'd left off. So this particular twist seems so not-nice. I had to Wiki whether the prisoner goes free or not. And the things that happened to him made me want to vomit. Too, too cruel. What are we watching in the name of entertainment, again? I mean sure I am a part of it. But its really cruel. He loses his identity completely. I don't want to think about it.

And my new decisions.. Not going so well. Am I not like cut out for what I want to do? Or worse, do I not want to actually do it? Huh. Confusion, confusion.

Let's sleep. Early morning outing tomorrow. :D

Less Facebooking = more time = more in life.

Good Nightt. 

Monday, April 18, 2016

In Love With Being Young

Not really feeling fantastic at the moment but the truth is, and I have been thinking about it a lot, I am in love with being young.

It is when you stop being so stupid all the time. I mean, sure, there are worries. Most are small and petty and those worries that are big all seem necessary to me. Like it is an inherent part of being a human being. All those weird existential questions? Sure they start now but they last a lifetime.
Somehow, because I have being going out so much now, I have now connected being young as enjoying the wind in your hair while you're with your friends, listening to your kind of music, discussing the world without a whole burden of worries. Growing up = worrying for a million people.
Youth is the best stage - when you're still able and its easier to be naive and to choose among a lot of options and you have millions of things to solve your unrest with. The best intermediate.

Anyway, finished The Lizzie Bennet Diaries yesterday. The last twenty or so episodes are so good! First I like how they've converted everything in modern day terms. And like, Lydia and Jane and even Lizzie get a different ending than the one which books give them. These new endings are cooler. But the thing I liked most was Lydia Bennet's point of view. And it is so true. Sometimes no one tries to get your perspective and it leads to a lot of troubles. I understand Lydia and sympathized with her - like what she did, why she did.

I am feeling a lot of unrest but I don't know.
Future seems like a lot of responsibility and a little help and guidance is all I asked. But oh well, I never got asked so apparently I shouldn't ask as well.
Such is life.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Dil Chahta Hai!

So I am very sleep deprived (2 hours sldep per night plus two hours sleep in afternoon for 4 days straight) = really short post but finished watching DCH an hour ago. An its good! Reminded me of my college days getting over and whether these things would continue to haunt me. Specially when Akshay Khanna says that people remain friends for life but life does take you in different directions. He is the most sorted character. Funnest is Aamir. I do wish I had the ability to go out on road trips just randomly though. Self driven ones.

Some things that stood out - the video clip of the Dil Chahta Hai title track. Those road trip to beautiful area feels. The Koi Kahe song!! Could kind of be an anthem for every generation. I had forgotten all the cute songs the movie had - Voh Ladki Hai Kahan and all.
Preity Zinta looks so fresh in all her Australian scenes. And then the end hug when you realize you've wasted so much time due to ego clashes. So silly we are.
But fact remains:
Jealousy inducing Bollywood camaraderie = road trips.

Lolol.
Just thought of Kuch Kuch Hota hai with the Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram. :D

Eyes closing. Bye.

Monday, March 28, 2016

Artwork :D


I can't edit the format much so I can't really see how it looks on the webpage. But ya, simple and smart. It's a nice birthday gift. Yay. :D

Friday, March 25, 2016

Something I Will Forget In Two Days.

So how long before you burn a bridge when every second step gives away?

Draw a line.
Don't cross it.
Don't toe it.
Don't say anything.
Don't explain.
Don't ask.
Just listen.

How often I have repeated these instructions mentally!?

Poor menories can't win in life.
Sensitivity doesn't help you win in life.
Normalcy does.


Random Update #71626272

Its been a while.
Been slogging and wasting time alternatively. Half the things won't enter my brain anymore. The talked about, famous saturation point which occurs at the worst of times. Anyway, 20 days and 28 days to go respectively. We'll see.
Time goes so fast! Its been 6 whole months. Well, at least going to be. Sometimes you forget the things hurt you until you realize they start hurting you again.
So my cousin is getting published. As a co-author. So yaaaay. :D
And I think will rest now. I wasted a shit load of time today. :')
I am so tempted to go catch that movie on Sunday. But its too long to afford seeing it now.
Travel plans on my sister's end.

Life. :)

Saturday, March 19, 2016

#OneDayIWill

It was International Women's Day on March 8th as I am sure everyone knows. :P
Got pretty excited about the Google Doodle. (http://www.google.com/doodles/international-womens-day-2016). Also, got curious.

So I sent the following text to some people on my list -
Hey!
So this is in regard to the Google Woman's Day Doodle if you'd seen it. They'd asked a group of women to complete the sentence starting with #OneDayIWill...
It was a good exercise because these women actually paused to think about their dreams.
So, today, I want to ask you the same. Complete the sentence.
Think about it for a day or two or whatever and get back to me.
Basically, yeah, I will compile and put it up. And it will be a list of all you stand for and all you want from life.
I hope you'll participate.
Thank you. :D

And here are the answers. :D

"#OneDayIWill be happy and successful. I don't know what I want to be, but I want to be happy and good at what I'm doing."
-  Aanchal Arora, perfectionist.

"#OneDayIWill earn so much money that my father won't need to work anymore."
- Aishwarya Verma, daddy's little girl.

"1) I will work so hard that #OneDayIWill become someone people don't forget.
2) #OneDayIWill have babies and give to them all the wonderful things life had to teach me.
3) #OneDayIWill make a positive difference in atleast three peoples lives
4) #OneDayIWill complete my bucket list which includes backpacking alone, all by myself and skydiving.
5) #OneDayIWill overcome my fear of not knowing my purpose in life by understanding I am blessed and i'm made for great things.
6) I will stand for my beliefs so that #OneDayIWill lead by example.
6) I promise myself that #OneDayIWill work or do something for those that I'm most passionate about - children. In however small my way might be
7) #OneDayIWill make my parents proud.                                  
8) #OneDayIWill go to The Holy Land."
- Andrea Pereira, goodness topped with a whole lot of cuteness.

"#OneDayIWill carry my own luggage and travel the world."
- Apurva Ramani, globetrotter.

"#OneDayIWill find the secret behind my favourite pieces of writing. Anything. Everything. What made the writers write them. Why they were written."
- Dipanjana Roy, mysterious muse finder.

"#OneDayIWill be a dead man.
#OneDayIWill will be the ultimate power.
#OneDayIWill be a besan ladoo."
- Deepak Puvvala, realist/honest for two seconds/food.

"#OneDayIWill, visit my dream city. London."
- Gunjan Mehta, almost British.

"#OneDayIWill lose some weight and get rid of all these pains and aches"
- Keshavi Velani, supermom/superperson.

"#OneDayIWill become a CA."
- Komal Kalsi, never stop learning.

"#OneDayIWill go to Greece."
- Kruti Mehta, adventurer.

"#OneDayIWill be in a hotel room alone, having tea, playing songs and listing out the places for my travel plans."
- Manjima Ghosh, music-in-my-heart.

"#OneDayIWill finish reading all the books I want to.
#OneDayIWill go to the moon."
- Meenal Velani, Moony :).

"#OneDayIWill turn a desert into a grassland. That is what I want to do and I will do. Dig and make a river flow into the desert. Fishes in the river. Wild grass growing everywhere. Some trees. Bring life in a desert where no human had ever stayed. Some might have just crossed that patch of desert.. without even paying heed to it, like it was dead. I want to bring life into it. Next time when a wanderer crosses that piece of land, he stops there. Drinks water from the river, freshens up. And he moves on. That piece of land will share life with wildlife and vegetation and aquatic animals and water. And even the rarely crossing wanderer."
- Navjot Singh, dream big, do bigger.

"#OneDayIWill put the 'Been There' sign to 99 countries of the world."
- Purbali Mukherjee, live-it-all.

"#OneDayIWill attain complete inner peace and always laugh like laughing Buddha, also inspire others into positivity."
- Revati Shaw, positivist.

"#OneDayIWill retire in a house in the hills with my pet Labrador."
- Rhea Bannerjee, animals>>humans.

"#OneDayIWill make a difference in somebody's life.
#OneDayIWill be rich and successful."
- Samanber Hasnain, making a difference.

"#OneDayIWill live in a world I dreamed of."
- Saloni Malhotra, dreamer.

"#OneDayIWill change somebody's life in a good way.
#OneDayIWill be the hotshot CEO of an amazing startup."
- Sayontani Das, chasing independence.

"#OneDayIWill give people the confidence to smile and better their lives and smiles through my service."
- Shivangi Shekhar, do-gooder.

"#OneDayIWill be a successful baker. Not just an amateur one. But oh, she was my inspiration for this cake kinda baker."
- Shristi Kothari, BatterBox Queen.

"#OneDayIWill live in a world where feminism isn't required and men and women are finally treated as equals. And the fact that biased social justice is needed to achieve this equality is understood."
- Sneha Shaw, feminist.

"#OneDayIWill own a beautifully furnished house with a beautifully decorated bedroom which would have a 65 inch tv and the thickest and softest mattress."
- Tanya Anand, smallest pleasures in life.

"#OneDayIWill sing a song of success to my parents. That fine day I will let the little world know how nosediving into optimism and believing in the Almighty can do wonders .My mom, my dad have raised me up.. and always will..but that one day is going to be their reward for the sacrifices they have made for me. That one day is the most awaited day of my life."
- Tanvir Panesar, achiever.

PS - Currently my one reads -
 "#OneDayIWill lead/create something which is great, big, and powerful in its beauty and positivity!" Basically, yeah, want to be Hank Green and John Green. xD