Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Asked By Reader #1 :D

Why is art important?

My artwork sucks. This type of comic thing will become extinct soon. Is extinct? I don't know!
I need talent. XD

There are just too many art forms and I am sorry I couldn't cover any beyond the traditional ones. And couldn't even wait to scan and upload them. Haha.

Anyway! :)

Friday, April 21, 2017

Success Story #1 + 2 viruses + 3 topics to cover today 4 you!

So today I will talk about something nice and positive = my faiba's story. Like I know I have already talked about her ear problems and all but today I was learning things from her - like stitching embroidery things. And the works she's produced. Wowww. I felt like giving up education and learning how to make pretty things from her and to earn from that. That would be really cool. But then I am a fuck all person and leave things in between.
We sat down together and I thought. This is a woman who has helped her family get through tough times without even having had a chance at good higher education. I saw her hand; her creativity in physical form and all that was self taught. She used to be an arts and crafts teacher. Today she felt so happy teaching me and showing off all her fancy things which must have taken a lot of patience to produce. Today seeing me at work rekindled a lot of dreams for her - of completing all the work left undone and to teach me x,y and z and restart making cards. I will not lie it felt a little good that I could do that. She's fought like crazy and is passionate till now even at her age (sure sure sometimes it takes a little pushing). She managed to stand on her own feet and some more. I would definitely call that a success story​. I have that same blood in my veins. This Velani can probably fight adversity too. Haha. No but I really like seeing success in this manner.

I am sitting like a retard right now because I got herpes and I have put a cream thing and am waiting for it to dry off. Funny things first. I had friends asking me how I got it since they thought it was an STD and well, ya.  But can't blame them. I got herpes confused with hernia and had figured it only happened to boys.
Another reason to not blame them is I googled it myself. All pictures are of the genital hernia type. And I went around telling people I had hernia. No people, no! I have the normal disgusting kind of it. On my hands and legs. I would have shown a similar picture but too icky. Basically it's a group of pus filled boils that burn and spread around. And it's a virus thing. I am getting a cold too so double virus attack. Ughh.

Today is Rhea's birthday! :D
Amazing girl, college friend. Love her individuality and her commitment to reading and her life goals and her humour and her love for animals and other good person things.
So when I called her she told me a fun fact. Apparently the Chinese eat noodles and prawns on their birthday. Noodles give you long life and prawns are round so they bring you money.
Now I know what I am having for my next birthday. No, not prawns. Idli and noodles. Haha.

What else is nice? Umm, food. I am hungry. My perpetual hunger makes a return. XD
Until the next time when probably my result will be out. Haha idk what I want still. Will make my mom crazy, I will.

Good night peopleeeee.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017


Sample achievements of a normal person :

  • Excelled at sports.
  • Landed a scholarship.
  • Started to date the love of their lives.
  • Created something beautiful which actually saw the light of the day.
  • Travelled wherever they wanted to.
  • Hot shot job.

Sample achievements of a person with anxiety :
  • Managed to look up into the faces of people for a whole 10 minutes.
  • Managed to keep arms not crossed - like you know the most defensive body posture ever.
  • Enquired about a suitable hobby.
  • Dared to dream while convincing yourself it is completely possible to happen to you.
  • Debated whether all of this is made up or just a self sabotaging pity party ploy, and won.
  • Good meditation session.
  • Managed to concentrate on the task on hand mindfully without despairing about life.
  • Talked to 2 strangers.

Sounds martyr-y, but I swear it's not. Just thinking about it today.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Hi. Would you be friends with her?

So there is this girl who gets kind of obsessive at times, who doesn't know shit, wastes a lot of times.
She is so confused and worrying about it makes her sick.
Sometimes to the point of well.. it's just scary.
Sleep seems easier to crawl back into.
I think she is tired of such days. Because she can't guess the underlying reason and so much time waste tbh.
Worry will make her hair white.
She allows small waves to rock her boat.

Its tough but I am trying to be friends with her. She balks at softness sometimes but I know it helps maybe.
I think she is a little brave under all the fear and is always trying a little bit harder.
I think she can get it all done inspite of feeling weird.. She can if she believes she can. She can manage it.
Maybe if there is a little more fight?
She doesn't tell me but I think she is good things too.

Would you be friends with her too?

Saturday, April 8, 2017

For the lack of something profound

I wish I had something profound to say but I don't.

I feel very human right now. And in order to not stress my brain much I don't want to think why it feels bad because you know being human is kind of the greatest thing ever shit. It doesn't feel like that. No.

I am doing what I read in a Buddhism.. well, I wish I could say book but read it in a Buddhism Reddit thread. They have this whole surrendering thing. Like Buddha (if it's a part of Buddhism, Buddha did say it, right?) says that we should be detached to what we are experiencing. Like observe and actually be in the moment and see inside without judging. I think it's pretty cool. It's like.. you wish and be determined and work hard with all your might towards what you want. Sometimes you are going to be dealt a bad hand. You continue working but yet surrender to things you can't control. I think it makes sense for the two to co-exist. Work and patience make peace. Sometimes it's like the moment before the roller coaster is going to drop downwards. You can be mentally prepared but no matter how hard you clench it's going to happen. You will die for those 3 micro seconds. In fact if you ease up it turns out better but these things never come naturally.

I was in the parlour and I think it's one of the.. I am at a loss for adjectives. It's a place you feel violated in but it can also be friendly and fun. But painful. Sometimes necessary. For me, it gives me a lot of time to think unless it's a very chatty lady in which case I have to give up on trying to be alone with my thoughts and play along with her talks. But mostly it's just listening really.

So today this lady was arguing when I walked in. I figured it was her boyfriend on the phone because she kept scolding him for talking to somebody else and to go back to that person only. She seemed majorly pissed and I was wondering what she would do to my hands because clearly her mood was horrible. It was a very legit concern. Someone else took up my arm and before it was even done she'd made up over a video call and was happy. Yet she was in no mood to work and I again wondered what she would do to my hand/leg because I had disturbed her call-to-boyfriend-make-up. I think the order is wrong but whatever. I had always thought she was married. But okay. Yay to her for being all lovey-dovey. Later on I discover she has children while she was talking to the next customer. So she was probably married and was fighting with her husband for talking and 'helping out' some other lady. Or does she have a boyfriend on the side? We'll never know. Such mysteries parlours present.

Yes my stories aren't interesting but they need to be told sometimes.

Focusing on the other human things. Failings. Idk.

Feeling jealous of the success of your own friends. You could feel happy for them simultaneously with a gunk of negative feeling about the direction your own life is taking.

Taking out your anger on somebody else.

Being lazy and not walking towards what you're supposed to.

Discarding something you liked because 'looking fat' felt like a legitimate reason.

Looking down on the road so that you don't have to look at anybody's face.

Hating on stupid all around younger, same aged kids because they're supposed to be normal and not hankering around for more responsibility.

wikiHow-ing the randomest shit and then not even reading it. XD

Having foot in the mouth syndrome and embarrassing myself often.

Oh so many things! But I will be going now to chaperone my young cousin to the Amusement Park. I made a pact to myself to not talk to anyone about what's disturbing me till the clock strikes 12 today. So yay that! :D

Friday, April 7, 2017

Random Shit #8162629

What is that thing called when you do something for the first time?
Things that take courage and things that are going to end in failure?
Things that are not going to decide the course of your life but make you anxious anyway?
Things that you feel you shouldn't have done but then you say chuck it and do it anyway?

It feels weird. And very let go-ey. And made-a-fool-of-myself-ey.

Sunday, April 2, 2017


A.k.a the creepiest/scariest/saddest/happiest dream I have had in a long time.

I forgot what was happening before this part happened. I was in the living room probably plonked on the diwan.
I heard dad's voice from the store room asking me to come there. Now I first felt mildly annoyed, the kind you feel when someone​ tells you to do some work while you were resting. Then I realized this wasn't possible. I went to the store room and there was faiba and daadi. The I looked back at the living room and daadi came from there too. And all the hair was over her face, hiding it. And then I realized that one of them is a ghost. I panicked and still in my confusion I knew the store room daadi was a ghost. I went to the living room daadi and started to tell her all the things in great fear but then every body vanished from the scene. My vision started.. slanting? Idk. I could see the dining room things like they were slanting and twisted, like you would see things if your eyes were closing while you're falling.
But thankfully everything became okay. Then I went to tell mom about what happened.
She was in a hurry going to the office but I stopped her anyway. Daadi joined us. I told them all that was happening.
Well, all the while that this was happening, I didn't notice that dad was sleeping on the bed talking to me too!! While narrating my story!
After I was done, mom and daadi were telling me that it's okay, it happens sometimes. But then dad started talking to me. Like normal talking. Like he was right there in front of me lying on the bed covered with his sheet, talking. I started crying because his voice was exactly the same as I had been unable to remember for a long long time. Like I could remember phrases but not a long continued talk. But the other people in the room looked lost and confused with my crying, they couldn't see anything or hear anyone..

It just ended that way! :O